Vanilla Twilight


.. When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I’ll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won’t forget you
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past
I’d whisper in your ear,
'Oh darling, I wish you were here.'

well, i got what i asked for. i did. i really, really did.

two weeks of not talking to him. a break. i feel like it went sideways to a friendship now. i tried to explain the fact that i felt that the romance blew out of us…. as he defended himself and said it’s hard to do so when we’re apart.. i’m talking about love here. i shouldn’t have said romance. all we do is sex, eat out, and cuddle. and argue. that isn’t romance. sex isn’t something i like anymore, it’s a routine for me. it’s making you happy. and i can do that… but, shouldn’t i like it too?

love is supposed to be mutual. not routine. i miss us.

i don’t think you realize i’m slipping away…. do i tell you? do i soldier on? how do i know what to do…..
fuck i do this every time

  • every time meaning this being number three..
  • you won’t call me anymore because you don’t want to waste your data. on the only one you pretty much call…
  • you expect me to do all the talking, when sometimes, i am not in the mood to talk. so you should talk too.
  • you don’t seem to remember things that are important to me. yeah, they’re silly. but i try, really try to remember your things.
  • you knew i had plans.. or at least i’d like to think you did.. and you are coming, and idk but you might be disappointed i’m not dropping everything to be with you - i planned this months ago. 
  • i don’t feel the romance. is this me being too picky? you’re not a romantic. you tell me you are… but i don’t see it. granted, i KNOW you don’t buy gifts. ever. i’ve given up on that, just like i’ve given up on getting you anything until this happens.
  • all we do is YOU want sex sex sex every time i see you
  • and eat out, because you don’t cook, and you won’t come to my house.

the thing that still hurts the most? is that one argument, ONE, mind you, we couldn’t come to an agreement, of course we couldn’t come to a okay-it’s-done-with either…. and you asked me one question: “should i leave?” as in the final goodbye. you actually asked that, out of everything. that STILL hurts to this day.